this boner is exhausting
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
