I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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