Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
