; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
