i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
