I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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