New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
