ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My penis needs a shock collar
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
