Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
