I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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