I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
