the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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