i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
