Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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