That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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