i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
