she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
