i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
