I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
