A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
