Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
