i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
