I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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