Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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