I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize