I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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