Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
