Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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