Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
