Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
