Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
