I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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