capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
love makes seman taste better
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
