as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
