I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
