We got so high we made milksteak
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm too high and old for this...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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