How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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