think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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