So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize