If that was your dad, he is hot
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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