there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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