no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
