I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
