Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
