I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
