i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
