do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
