At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
