I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
