this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
