you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So apparently I’m into choking now
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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