Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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