I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
