Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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