K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I have fence marks all over my body
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
