You can't special order awesome
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
