I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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