I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
