Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
