Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
