i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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