You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
