I'm drive I can fine osifer
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
