The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
accomplished twins. life is a go
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
