if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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