so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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