I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
