Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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