It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So here I am, sexting at work.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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