Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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