I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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