His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
