When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
