wakey wakey hands off snakey
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
