The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
