Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
