some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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