Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
